Don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answers to!

"Questions are never indiscreet: answers sometimes are"
-Oscar Wilde


Inevitably it happens; I'm at a social function and what I do for a living comes up in the conversation.

Immediately the attention of all within earshot shifts to me because for whatever reason many people seem to view emergency nurses with a special type of fascination that is usually reserved for reptiles at the zoo (look but don't touch).

Personally when this has happened I do my best to be polite and change the conversation to other topics, but sometimes despite my best effort there is just one person who wants to hear all about it and sooner or later gets around to asking me what is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen is? Again everyone in earshot seems to focus on me.

Frankly answering that question is like shooting fish in a barrel, it's just too easy. I can tell hundreds of stories that would turn the stomach of a billy goat in a second let alone the average person. So I'm sure in what is the time honored tradition of old, bald, fat, bitter and twisted emergency nurses I have provided answers that trust me appropriately and sometimes dramatically more than satiate the average person's desire for exposure to the macabre by proxy. I suppose I could say nothing but I have to admit that at times enjoy that horrified look they get on their faces as I give them exactly what they asked for.

In days gone by I usually opted for a straight forward blood and guts story with an anecdote or two about how hard it is to mop up that much blood off the floor or the best ways to get blood stains of a ceiling. But truthfully as time has marched on on I have become more experienced and circumspect in my story telling and these days I usually try going for the subtle versus the obvious to achieve the desired effect.

For example:

Person at party: So what's the worst thing you've ever seen as an ER Nurse?

Angry Nurse: Someone offered me the use of their crack pipe….

Person at Party (confused): What's so gross about that?

Angry Nurse (Patiently): He had just reached down and pulled it out of the crack of his ass while I was watching!



Not quite as graphic as blood on the ceiling I admit, but it ends the conversation just as fast!

A tales of great loss!

“Success is often merely a matter having the right tool for the right job”
-Author unknown



RIP
1985-2008





Last night after 23 years of faithful service my old friend and trusty ally a Littmann Cardiology II stethoscope vanished.

Well at least part of it anyway.

When I got to work last night and took of my coat I noticed that chest piece was no longer attached to the tubing. I checked my scrubs and coat pockets then retraced my steps back to my car and after doing an extensive search everywhere I was forced to conclude it was gone.

When I went home this morning I had a look all over my house and around my driveway but sadly no joy. It’s seems it’s gone, probably sitting inside a snow bank somewhere after this weekend’s storm. A less than magnanimous end!

It’s odd that I would actually be attached to this little hunk of rubber and metal. But it’s been everywhere I have and it’s been an essential part of every clinical experience in my practice since day one.

If it could talk the stories it could tell!

I was so distraught that last night after realizing its loss I was wondering around the unit like a poor soul for want of my old friend...actually I was having a really crappy night anyway for but figured this added an much needed element of despair and drama!

But fear not, today I went out and bought its replacement!

Say hello to new best friend!







The big question now is will I manage to outlast this one for another 23 years or will it outlast me?

Personally, my money is on the scope!

Knock me over with a feather!

"Surprise is the greatest gift which life can grant us.”
-Boris Pasternak


Wow I just won a travel package for two worth $5500.00 and the travel agent mentioned if I didn't like the destination I could change it to where ever I wanted to go.

To think an hour ago I was having a really crappy day now my biggest decisions are where, when, who (I'm single)and finding someone to take care of my cat!

I’m Perplexed

“Sometimes I'm confused by what I think is really obvious. But what I think is really obvious obviously isn't obvious...”
--Michael Stipe


Inundated each day of late with news of economic doom and gloom I find myself in the rather odd position that rather than feel the fear that I am sure some legitimately feel all I find myself experiencing is a sense of confusion.

So rather than wonder if I’m going to have a job next week I find myself asking:

1)If about 20 months ago when the price oil first hit 50 dollars a barrel why no one complained and in fact were more or less jumping for joy but now that it is once again at the same level everyone is complaining?

2)I ask myself that since at least up here (Canada) we have yet to have even a single quarter of negative economic growth how can people be saying we’re in a recession?

3)I ask why is it that the media constantly brays about how bad things are yet in each of the last 2 months at least up here (Canada) they have also had to grudgingly admit that the economy created 10 times more jobs than expected and that retail sales despite all the doom and gloom increased at near record levels with car sales leading the way.

4)Why is it that certain countries so dedicated to “free markets principles” can’t or is it won’t allow those same “free market principles” to do exactly what they should be doing to those companies who in the face of the staggering greed, incompetence, poor management and planning are now facing especially when “free market principles” dictate that what is happening is exactly what should be happening.


Keep in mind that I am not for a moment suggesting that a recession hasn’t happened in some countries or that it can’t or won’t happen up here, I merely observing that at least for the moment it hasn’t up here.

So while it may not be my place to say this, but let’s try to keep the panic to a minimum at least for now.