“Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits”
-Author unknown
New Years; the time when people stop to make a promise to change some aspect of their life, hopefully for the better. Getting in shape, stopping smoking, cutting back on drinking are some of the more commons ones I'm sure most of us have experience with.
The problem with most resolutions is that despite what may be the best of intentions at the time, the record of success for most of us in carrying through our lofty goals is nothing short of abysmal.
I'm willing to bet that most people are already trying to find reasons not to go to the gym, sneaking out for the “occasion” smoke or still having those nightly double dark and dirties to calm their jangled nerves.
So this year at least I have decided to make a resoltion that I am sure I can carry out no matter what!
What's my resolution?
Simple! Stop making stupid New Year’s Resolutions!
Hell if this works, I’m seriously thinking about giving up "giving up" things for lent! (It makes sense if you read it carefully)
Monday, January 05, 2009
Friday, January 02, 2009
Over heard in the ER one Christmas Eve
"Everyone has a right to be stupid, some people just abuse the privilege"
-Author Unknown
A list of some of things I have actually heard on Christmas Eve working over the years along with some of the responses. Please note I was not necessarily the nurse answering.
Pt::I figured no one else would be here why is taking so long
Nurse: You figured wrong!
Patient: I’ve been doing crack for 5 days and I’m scared….
Nurse: Have a seat…
Patient:I’ve had this blister for 2 months…
Nurse: What exactly has changed in the last 24 hours that made you feel it had to be seen tonight?
Patient: Can you hurry up I’ve got things to do!
Nurse: So does everyone else!
Patient: What do you mean two hours! It’s Christmas you know!
Nurse: It’s Christmas! Wow! I was wondering what all these decorations where for!
Patient: I’m a tax payer!
Nurse: Really?
Patient: Hurry the F$&K up you C@nt!
Nurse: Security!
-Author Unknown
A list of some of things I have actually heard on Christmas Eve working over the years along with some of the responses. Please note I was not necessarily the nurse answering.
Pt:
Nurse: You figured wrong!
Patient: I’ve been doing crack for 5 days and I’m scared….
Nurse
Patient:I’ve had this blister for 2 months…
Nurse
Patient: Can you hurry up I’ve got things to do!
Nurse: So does everyone else!
Patient: What do you mean two hours! It’s Christmas you know!
Nurse: It’s Christmas! Wow! I was wondering what all these decorations where for!
Patient: I’m a tax payer!
Nurse: Really?
Patient: Hurry the F$&K up you C@nt!
Nurse: Security!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
The Christmas Double Standard
“Hypocrisy is the lubricant of society”
-David Hull
Why is it when it comes to Christmas some people become hypocrites and label otherwise normal occurrences as somehow inappropriate?
I once had a charge nurse who declared that people had no right to get sick over Christmas after she got several sick calls for the Christmas Eve night shift.
Unable to resist I had to ask when I could go home because after all, if people had no right to be sick over Christmas we could shut the ER down and all take the night off.
Her response to that is best left to your individual imaginations.
-David Hull
Why is it when it comes to Christmas some people become hypocrites and label otherwise normal occurrences as somehow inappropriate?
I once had a charge nurse who declared that people had no right to get sick over Christmas after she got several sick calls for the Christmas Eve night shift.
Unable to resist I had to ask when I could go home because after all, if people had no right to be sick over Christmas we could shut the ER down and all take the night off.
Her response to that is best left to your individual imaginations.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answers to!
"Questions are never indiscreet: answers sometimes are"
-Oscar Wilde
Inevitably it happens; I'm at a social function and what I do for a living comes up in the conversation.
Immediately the attention of all within earshot shifts to me because for whatever reason many people seem to view emergency nurses with a special type of fascination that is usually reserved for reptiles at the zoo (look but don't touch).
Personally when this has happened I do my best to be polite and change the conversation to other topics, but sometimes despite my best effort there is just one person who wants to hear all about it and sooner or later gets around to asking me what is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen is? Again everyone in earshot seems to focus on me.
Frankly answering that question is like shooting fish in a barrel, it's just too easy. I can tell hundreds of stories that would turn the stomach of a billy goat in a second let alone the average person. So I'm sure in what is the time honored tradition of old, bald, fat, bitter and twisted emergency nurses I have provided answers that trust me appropriately and sometimes dramatically more than satiate the average person's desire for exposure to the macabre by proxy. I suppose I could say nothing but I have to admit that at times enjoy that horrified look they get on their faces as I give them exactly what they asked for.
In days gone by I usually opted for a straight forward blood and guts story with an anecdote or two about how hard it is to mop up that much blood off the floor or the best ways to get blood stains of a ceiling. But truthfully as time has marched on on I have become more experienced and circumspect in my story telling and these days I usually try going for the subtle versus the obvious to achieve the desired effect.
For example:
Person at party: So what's the worst thing you've ever seen as an ER Nurse?
Angry Nurse: Someone offered me the use of their crack pipe….
Person at Party (confused): What's so gross about that?
Angry Nurse (Patiently): He had just reached down and pulled it out of the crack of his ass while I was watching!
Not quite as graphic as blood on the ceiling I admit, but it ends the conversation just as fast!
-Oscar Wilde
Inevitably it happens; I'm at a social function and what I do for a living comes up in the conversation.
Immediately the attention of all within earshot shifts to me because for whatever reason many people seem to view emergency nurses with a special type of fascination that is usually reserved for reptiles at the zoo (look but don't touch).
Personally when this has happened I do my best to be polite and change the conversation to other topics, but sometimes despite my best effort there is just one person who wants to hear all about it and sooner or later gets around to asking me what is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen is? Again everyone in earshot seems to focus on me.
Frankly answering that question is like shooting fish in a barrel, it's just too easy. I can tell hundreds of stories that would turn the stomach of a billy goat in a second let alone the average person. So I'm sure in what is the time honored tradition of old, bald, fat, bitter and twisted emergency nurses I have provided answers that trust me appropriately and sometimes dramatically more than satiate the average person's desire for exposure to the macabre by proxy. I suppose I could say nothing but I have to admit that at times enjoy that horrified look they get on their faces as I give them exactly what they asked for.
In days gone by I usually opted for a straight forward blood and guts story with an anecdote or two about how hard it is to mop up that much blood off the floor or the best ways to get blood stains of a ceiling. But truthfully as time has marched on on I have become more experienced and circumspect in my story telling and these days I usually try going for the subtle versus the obvious to achieve the desired effect.
For example:
Person at party: So what's the worst thing you've ever seen as an ER Nurse?
Angry Nurse: Someone offered me the use of their crack pipe….
Person at Party (confused): What's so gross about that?
Angry Nurse (Patiently): He had just reached down and pulled it out of the crack of his ass while I was watching!
Not quite as graphic as blood on the ceiling I admit, but it ends the conversation just as fast!
Monday, December 08, 2008
A tales of great loss!
“Success is often merely a matter having the right tool for the right job”
-Author unknown
RIP
1985-2008
Last night after 23 years of faithful service my old friend and trusty ally a Littmann Cardiology II stethoscope vanished.
Well at least part of it anyway.
When I got to work last night and took of my coat I noticed that chest piece was no longer attached to the tubing. I checked my scrubs and coat pockets then retraced my steps back to my car and after doing an extensive search everywhere I was forced to conclude it was gone.
When I went home this morning I had a look all over my house and around my driveway but sadly no joy. It’s seems it’s gone, probably sitting inside a snow bank somewhere after this weekend’s storm. A less than magnanimous end!
It’s odd that I would actually be attached to this little hunk of rubber and metal. But it’s been everywhere I have and it’s been an essential part of every clinical experience in my practice since day one.
If it could talk the stories it could tell!
I was so distraught that last night after realizing its loss I was wondering around the unit like a poor soul for want of my old friend...actually I was having a really crappy night anyway for but figured this added an much needed element of despair and drama!
But fear not, today I went out and bought its replacement!
Say hello to new best friend!
The big question now is will I manage to outlast this one for another 23 years or will it outlast me?
Personally, my money is on the scope!
-Author unknown
RIP
1985-2008
Last night after 23 years of faithful service my old friend and trusty ally a Littmann Cardiology II stethoscope vanished.
Well at least part of it anyway.
When I got to work last night and took of my coat I noticed that chest piece was no longer attached to the tubing. I checked my scrubs and coat pockets then retraced my steps back to my car and after doing an extensive search everywhere I was forced to conclude it was gone.
When I went home this morning I had a look all over my house and around my driveway but sadly no joy. It’s seems it’s gone, probably sitting inside a snow bank somewhere after this weekend’s storm. A less than magnanimous end!
It’s odd that I would actually be attached to this little hunk of rubber and metal. But it’s been everywhere I have and it’s been an essential part of every clinical experience in my practice since day one.
If it could talk the stories it could tell!
I was so distraught that last night after realizing its loss I was wondering around the unit like a poor soul for want of my old friend...actually I was having a really crappy night anyway for but figured this added an much needed element of despair and drama!
But fear not, today I went out and bought its replacement!
Say hello to new best friend!
The big question now is will I manage to outlast this one for another 23 years or will it outlast me?
Personally, my money is on the scope!
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