Tales from the front swine’s, I mean lines!

“Dread of disaster makes everybody act in the very way that increases the disaster. Psychologically the situation is analogous to that of people trampled to death when there is a panic in a theatre caused by a cry of fire”
-Bertrand Russell


Well a little more than a week into the H1N1 plague (the virus formally known as swine flu) and surprise the sky has yet to fall unlike pork futures.

I have to admit that as a front line health care worker I’m growing worried!

Worried not because the province I live in has had a 13 fold increase in the number of reported cases, but because I’m afraid I’m going to laugh in someone’s face as they pass by me wearing one those stupid ass paper procedure masks the caring corporate giant they work for has gave them to “protect” themselves. Of course these same concerned companies aren’t so concerned that they felt it important enough to mention that those masks they have so lovingly given out to their valued task monkey’s have actually limited protective value and in fact one could even make a case to say that the protection they provide is more psychological than that of infection control.

But hey; value is value! We can always rest more comfortable knowing that companies who manufacture or sell things like surgical masks and hand cleaners are making a shit load of money right now. Let’s hear it for the supply and demand curve! Go free market go! It is a recession after all so we have to take our positive economic news where we can get it.

I should also point out that by way of real numbers the 13 fold increase I mentioned here in Alberta means that the number of confirmed cases of H1N1 (the virus formally known as swine flu) has gone from 2 to 26 since I wrote about things last week. Not exactly the causality figures one would have expected for a “stage 5” pandemic situation, but I’m not one of the experts from Chicken Little (The World Health Organization) so what do I know.

Of course here in Alberta we also have the added distinction of being really proactive compared to the rest of the world in that it appears someone has decided that if we’re going down to the flu then we’re taking those dam pigs with us! So unlike some countries who decided to simply slaughter anything with a curly tail that goes oink out here in our typical lead the way attitude we have somehow managed reverse infect some of our pig herds (one actually). One wonders if we will be even more innovative and start quarantining our H1N1 (the virus formally known as swine flu) infected people with our H1N1 (the virus formally known as swine flu) pigs. After all it would be efficient and cost effective.

The news cycle of course is still covering things although admittedly it is beginning to be somewhat less front page and even members of the press are beginning to become somewhat cynical and actually questioning the validity of this crisis. Already references to the 1976 Swine Flu Fiasco are almost popular of references to H1N1 (the virus formally known as swine flu).

On a bright note folks on the Internet with senses of humor far superior to mine have once more managed to make outstanding jokes about this situation by providing several alternative names to H1N1 (the virus formerly known as swine flu)after Chicken Little's(The World Health Organization)request for the press to stop using "swine flue" (The virus now know as H1N1). My favorite of course is Hamthrax followed by porkinson's and baby back disease.


Lastly just to continue last week’s theme of vaccinating yourself against bullshit consider this:

If you are sneezing have a sore throat or generally don’t feel well when you get off a plane. Guess what? It’s just as likely that you’re either jet lagged or have spent far too much time on said plane breathing recycled farts than of you actually having H1N1 (the virus formally known as swine flu)at least as long as current infection rates hold true.

So remember, don’t panic!

If you’re really sick with a fever and such by all means see a doctor.

Hopefully by next week however this plague will be literally yesterday’s news.